


True colours

by katiebuttercup



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Always A Girl Merlin, F/M, Rule 63, fem!merlin, genderbent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-23 05:58:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/922805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiebuttercup/pseuds/katiebuttercup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin makes a confession for Arthur's declaration of love-it goes as well as she suspected</p><p>Magic reveal</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: characters don't belong to me but the BBC 

Merlin waits for the metaphorical axe to fall. There's still a chance that a physical one may fall as well but that fear is a dull ache in her mind. 

She stares at Arthur waiting, she doesn't dare to hope. She knows the rules of Camelot, better than most and she doesn't have an excuse. She doubts Arthur will be impressed if she tells him she has been charged to protect him. 

Not only is it magic she feels his male pride would be damaged to know that his life and kingdom had been saved by a servant- and a female one at that. 

She knows the rumours that circulate, that there's another reason Arthur keeps her around, that she is his mistress. Uther had made such an allegation, finding it humorous as long as Arthur remembered his duty. 

Sleeping with servants wasn't an issue loving them was.

She shifts on her knees where she kneels, she should bend her head and await her fate but Merlin has never been very good at doing what she should be doing. She looks straight at Arthur, watches his strong jaw twitch. His face is pale, blue eyes burning and merlin's eyes burn in turn.

She wants him to shout at her, she knows how to deal with anger but this, this betrayal in the kings eyes almost undos her. 

If she is going to die she wants to explain. 

"How could I not have known what you are?" The disgust in his tone rankles but Merlin keeps her cool for once. 

"I am as I have ever been, you're loyal servant"

Because she has. She may be the worst servant in Camelot, she may talk back and tease but she believes in Arthur, believes in his vision for Camelot. She has carved a life here and she has loved watching Arthur grow into a king. 

She loves him.

She can deal with it if she knows Camelot and Arthur are safe. She is not ashamed of who she is-not anymore she had spent her life apologising and feeling somehow wrong but in Camelot she has purpose-to keep Arthur safe. 

She never thought he would ever love her back. She had never felt so elated and it had made her bold-or stupid and she had told Arthur the truth knowing that it could mean death 

 

But now Arthur is king and perhaps this is destiny. Arthur is king now he can create a kingdom that is safe and whole. Perhaps her job is done.

"You are--" He can't seem to find the words to describe her betrayal. 

"I--" 

"I am Merlin," she says, she spreads her hands trying to keep her balance. 

"Just Merlin. The same person who brought your breakfast this morning, who rode with you into the woods yesterday who will protect you from harm tomorrow."

Arthur looks away. 

She has lost. He doesn't hear her. 

X

The dungeon hasn't changed since the last time she was here. The guards watch her warily, holding a sorceress is dangerous and they most likely fear some magic on her part but that is the last though in Merlin's head. 

She's had visitors, all the knights have come to sneak her out. Itwould be amusing if death in the morning wasn't a very real possibility. 

Gwen is with Arthur now, according to Lancelot, begging for her life. Merlin snorts at the thought. Gwen is probably giving Arthur a piece of her mind on her behalf. 

She almost feels sorry for Arthur. No one likes facing the wrath of Gwen when she gets going. 

It's all fruitless. 

The hardest part was seeing Gaius. She loved him more than anyone else, except perhaps her mother. Gaius who had loved her and stood by her as if she had been his own daughter. She loved him like a daughter and she's sorry-so sorry for the trouble she had brought to his door. 

Losing Gaius is almost as painful as losing Arthur.

She hopes Arthur won't turn on Gaius after she is gone.

Lancelot stands guard outside her cell, standing battle ready and she knows that he is ready to fight should Arthur send someone to take Merlin to her likely unpleasant end. 

"Arthur confessed his love for you," Lancelot said on his hundredth turn about the small area, he's grasping at straws now, searching for a way out of a dead end.

"He took it back quick enough," Merlin countered. "I suppose I should be greatful  
I heard it before--" 

She wrings her hands. The fear comes crashing over her. She doesn't want to die, in truth she is terrified of the fire. Gaius had been forced to bind her magic and knowing she could face the flames without protection terrified her.

"You must keep the faith Merlin," Lancelot says with conviction. "The king will change his mind. It is just the shock talking. But I believe in him, in his soul and I believe he will do the right thing"

Arthur is lucky, Merlin thinks to have a man like Lancelot at his side. A man who had been badly treated and yet believes in the good of everyone. Merlin doesn't have the heart to argue. 

Lancelot turns abruptly drawing his sword, it does not waver when the king emerges from the gloom. The blonde eyes his knight. 

"Are you willing to fight for the sorceress?"

It sounds dangerous, and Merlin knows that tone. Arthur is completely serious. But Lancelot is just as serious when he replies, 

"Yes. I will defend Merlin with my life. Just as she had done a thousand times for you and you have never known it."

"She is a sorceress,"

"She is your best friend," Lancelot returns, the sword glistens in the dim light, it looks very deadly and sharp. 

"Lancelot! Leave!" 

The absolute worst thing about this is how it has divided their little circle, how the knights have felt compelled to take sides. 

She's destroying their family. 

Lancelot ignores her, apparently he has a death wish as well.

"You have spoken of your love for her many times and I have kept my silence, not because you were my king but because you were my friend, because you have given me a home and a life. But I will not let your fear kill Merlin. 

Arthur turns back to the door and Merlin can only see his broad back, the fine shirt stretching over muscles that were coiled steel. 

She still loved him. 

Arthur took a deep breath, let it out. 

"You will be spared but I.."

Arthur spins around, and Merlin takes step back from the bars. 

"I don't want to see you...I want...."

"I'll go home," Merlin promised, relief flooded her body but it was empty. It was clear that the love Arthur had for her was gone. 

Arthur nods. Leaves. 

X 

It doesn't take long to pack, Merlin doesn't have much more than she originally did, a couple of more dresses from Gwen and Morgana but that was all. 

Merlin sighs when she finishes. It hasn't taken up much time. Arthur hasn't given her a specific time to leave Camelot but Merlin can hear the clock ticking. She hasn't dared to step out of her rooms. She has been given a miraculous pardon and she doesn't want to push her luck by facing Arthur. 

Gaius hadn't tried to talk, just hugged her tightly and Merlin had held the old man close and breathed. Gaius was her rock. She would miss him the most of all. 

She looks up when the old door opens.

Arthur's eyes fall on her meagre possessions and then to Merlin's face-or most appropriately the space next to her face. It feels like a punch. 

She wants to speak but has nothing to say. 

"Gwen has been filling me in on your exploits."

Merlin fiddles with the loops on her bags. 

"It seems I am in your debt" the bitterness twists Merlin's heart. "I suppose I cannot banish the one person who has kept Camelot standing."

"You are the king, you can do as you please."

"Am I that kind of king? Who abuses power for his own ends?"

"No of course not."

"It is unfair to banish you after all you have done." Arthur continues. "I have promised to rule a fair and just Camelot." His eyes finally find hers. 

"Despite my personal....views I will uphold the values of fairness, and Camelot needs a protector"

Merlin almost blurts out, "what about what you need?"

But she doesn't. Arthur has been generous, far more than someone like her has ever been awarded. 

"Why did you lie to me?"

Merlin raises her hands to indicate the room. "Because I knew this would happen."

"Did you...did you charm....me?" He speaks slowly as of trying to find the right words. Merlin feels tears prickle behind her eyes. How could he ask that? 

"I don't know how you feel," Merlin said carefully. Arthur snorts and Merlin breaks off. 

"I think it's obvious how I felt," the king said scornfully. 

"Well it wasn't to me! It's not like you ever treated me like those other girls you "loved"

"They were princesses and you're...."

"What? A servant? A sorceress? Yes! I am both of those things. But I am still a person. I may have magic but I can't read your mind."

"Sometimes I wonder."

The anger fades and all that remained was a bone deep tiredness. She was just tired. 

"I didn't 'charm' you, I didn't know how you felt until you told me last night. Do you think I didn't know how dangerous it was to tell you the truth? I could have kept it hidden forever but I wanted to be honest with you the way you were honest with me."

"Why would I fall for someone like you if it wasn't a spell?"

Merlin reeled back, barely stopping herself from slapping him. This hurt more than anything up to this point. The fear that had always lurked deep within her. That despite all her gifts and accomplishments she would always be a servant. 

"I don't know. I can't speak for you. But I'm sure whatever "spell" you are under is well and truly over!"

She grabs her bag and storms out, heading straight for the gates. She doesn't care that her mother is a few days away on foot, she is looking forward to the exercise. Maybe by the time she is home the desire to do something unpleasant to Arthur will have evaporated. 

She wipes angrily at her eyes. Angry tears she tells herself. She's angry at Arthur. Anger is filling the numb ache inside her heart and she doesn't want to think about what it will be like when anger is not enough to fill it.


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home is where...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and Arthur were never in love

Hunith doesn't say anything when Merlin appears at her door, motherhood tells her to leave her daughter alone. 

Merlin gets straight to work with chores, there is something driving her to work, to move. Hunith guesses its to stop herself thinking. She's deceptively cheery, talking her mothers ear off as she works, telling stories of her friends, the charming heroic knights and the love unfolding between Gwen and the dashing knight Lancelot and even about Arthur. 

Hunith can't see what has driven her daughter back to her, she doesn't call it home-Camelot has always been Merlin's home but she is grateful that Merlin would come to her in her hour of need. 

It doesn't make what she's about to say any easier. 

Merlin....are you with child?" 

The spoon drops from nerveless fingers and Merlin's shocked expression is answer enough but the dark haired sorceress stumbles through a denial. 

"No! Of course not I haven't even lain with anyone and I would never....no!"

Hunith holds her hand up, "but you are banished for revealing your magic?"

Merlin shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "No not really Arthur said I could stay but I..."

Hunith understood. The king may have pardoned her but Merlin had spent much of her life knowing she was different and being treated differently accordingly. To face the same fate in Camelot was unthinkable. 

"Arthur no longer trusts me he made that painfully clear," he had also made clear that if loving a servant was difficult then loving a sorceress was damn near impossible but her mother didn't need to know that part.

"Arthur promised to send for me should Camelot need magical protection" and that had been like getting blood out of a stone in and of itself. Arthur didn't want her help but she hoped his pride would not blind him should the kingdom truly need magical protection. 

"Why did you decide to tell him now?" Hunith pressed. 

Merlin couldn't tell her mother about Arthur's deceleration of love, she would tell Merlin to go straight back and work it out and that was the last thing Merlin wanted to do. 

She settled on a partial truth, "I didn't want to live a lie anymore mum. I am who I am and I've learned to be proud I've learnt so much."

"I'll go back someday mum. Lancelot is thinking of marriage." She forced good cheer into her voice. She missed camelot already. She missed Gwaine's boisterous hugs, his flirting that brought a blush to her cheeks despite knowing he was joking. She missed Gwen's smile and Lancelot's gallantry, and Gaius grumbling in the morning. She misses Arthur-- she cuts herself off. She won't go there-she can't. Not if she wants to stay strong. Instead she offers to clean the table. It's enough to keep the hurt at bay at least until she has to retire for the evening. 

X

Arthur leans against the window of the throne room and looks up. The sky is the only thing big enough to distract him. If he looks down he begins to think and that is dangerous. The urge to find Merlin is barely held at bay by duty but the rope holding onto the instinct is fraying. 

He doesn't speak as Gwen joins him at the window staring not at the skyline but at the cluster of smell dwellings. 

"Have you come to berate me again?" 

Gwen shakes her head, black curls gleaming in the candle light. 

"You are doing a fine job yourself,"

Arthur balks because he is doing no such thing he is simply admiring the night and...he cuts his own flimsy justification short. 

"She could have stayed" 

"Not knowing that you hated her" Gwen countered and Arthur wants to argue but he can't because he does. He hates what Merlin is. Magic has done nothing but tear his family and home apart and he wants nothing to do with it. But on the other hand Merlin is so far away from his childhood stereotype that it is almost laughable. There is nothing but good in Merlin. 

But he cannot separate the image of magic from the image of evil and even Merlin's face is not enough to dispel it. 

"She hasn't changed Arthur. She's still Merlin." 

It's scarily close to what Merlin had said and he knows that but the feeling of betrayal still stings. 

"But she has changed. Everything has."

"You were once a prince and now you are king, I was once only a servant and I hope I am a friend. Lancelot was once a commoner and now he is a knight. Not all change is necessarily bad Arthur."

He doesn't say anything and Gwen squeezes him arm, it's oddly comforting. 

He knows he won't have much comfort in the near future, not while Merlin was away from Camelot. 

He fixes his eyes back in the stars and wonders if Merlin is looking at the same time.


	3. A new job

"What do you think of--" Gwen let her sentence trail off when she realised Merlin wasn't paying any attention to her. The dark haired sorceress had been on edge since she had arrived in the castle. She acted more like a fugitive than the guest she actually was. 

She sighed, Merlin had gone to extreme lengths to avoid Arthur and so far it worked. Gwen was fairly certain that Arthur was making the same effort to avoid her. 

"Merlin!"

She may have magic flowing through her veins but she was still by far the most clumsy person Gwen had never met. At her raised voice Merlin jumped arms and legs flailing in different directions her pale face colouring. 

Gwen managed to keep a straight face but only barely. 

"Sorry," Merlin said straightening her tunic and trying to look composed even as she glanced guiltily around. 

"Just relax," Gwen urged taking the sorceress' hands in her own. "Now what do you think of this dress?' 

She spun around and Merlin made an attempt to actually look and have an opinion. 

"It's....nice" Merlin tried. Gwen frowned. 

"That's it? 'Its nice'"

"Can't you ask Morgana about this? She's so much better than me at this sort of thing." 

Gwen sighed. "Fine. Well if you don't want to talk about my dress lets talk about yours." 

Merlin's face was priceless and Gwen tried to keep her laugher in as she collected the light purple dress she had picked for Merlin. 

Merlin sighed taking the dress from Gwen and walking behind the screen as she began to undress. 

"How are you feeling about the wedding?" Merlin asked. 

Gwen sighed, "I'm fine, mostly I'm just hoping that nothing will happen on the day." 

"I won't let it I promise even if you are making me wear this awful dress." 

"The dress is lovely and you will look wonderful"

"Or I'll look like a broom handle in a lovely dress" Merlin murmured, her voice muffled 

Gwen's answer was lost in her throat as Arthur appeared in the doorway. She could read nothing in his expression. Arthur put his finger to his lips. 

"I'm just going to the kitchen for a moment" 

"Ok"

Gwen moved past Arthur, as the king sat in her vacated seat. Merlin was going to get a nasty surprise and she felt slightly bad that she couldn't warn her friend. 

But they had to talk sometime. 

Arthur sat back folding his arms over his chest. 

A couple of moments later Merlin appeared from behind the screen, smoothing her hands over the material. It gave Arthur a few seconds to appreciate Merlin in a gown. The colour suited her pale skin, and hugged the few curves she owned. It wasn't that he didn't recognise Merlin but it was simply that this was a new version of Merlin he hadn't contemplated before. He had that feeling a lot lately. 

Merlin looked up, her dark eyes wide in surprise as she realised she wasn't alone. 

"Arthur!" 

Her voice almost floored him. He had been so used to having Merlin around that her absence felt like an open wound and the timbre of her voice was both pleasurable and painful. 

"Hello Merlin," he was glad to find that his voice was collected, his heart was hammering against his chest. 

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked. 

"Wearing a dress that I hate because otherwise I will ruin Gwen's entire wedding apparently." 

"You look very....nice"

A blush bloomed on her cheeks, it looked very fetching on her. 

"Thank you." 

"Will you stay after the wedding?" Arthur asked. 

"I don't know."

"Lancelot and Gwaine have come up with a new position at court." He paused, making sure that Merlin was looking at him directly. 

"Court sorceress." 

Something hot burned at the back of her throat. The idea that she could be at Camelot, beside Arthur and have a real role in court, it was almost impossible to believe. 

"I offered the job to Morgana but she recommended you."

"Never your first choice am I?" Merlin said, a bitter twist to her mouth, she was never anyone's first choice in anything, being a servant, lover or sorcerer. 

"Merlin..." 

Merlin put her hand up to forestall whatever Arthur would say, "if you want me to be the court sorcerer then I will take it, but you have to trust my judgement when it comes to magic." 

Arthur nodded. "I can do that!" He sounded pleased about that and the bitterness grew when she realised that Arthur wanted to distance himself from anything magic related. 

Leave it to Merlin to sort out. 

Nothing had changed then. 

There was a silence. Arthur attempted to say something that wouldn't upset Merlin further. He hated the fact that his fathers words kept falling from his mouth but he hadn't any words himself.

Not coherent ones anyway. 

"I should find Gwen," Merlin said into the silence. Arthur wanted to reach for her, his arms ached to hold her but he couldn't make his muscles move. 

Merlin curtseyed quickly, then there was a breeze as she brushed part him. The left hand side of his body tingled at the contact. 

His heart felt as if it were soaring, Merlin was coming home but with that feeling came a gaping chasm at the pit of his stomach. Seeing Merlin would be torture but maybe he could learn to accept magic if he saw what Merlin did. 

Maybe. 

He wanted to call her back and tell her he loved her but as he had learned from a young age was Camelot always came first. Making Merlin court sorcerer would make Camelot safer and if he had to suffer for it, we'll that was what a king had to do. 

He hoped he had done the right thing.


	4. Court sorceress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is back at court she has a new job and she's finally able to use magic, it's everything she's ever wanted. Right?

Merlin couldn't help the instinct to glance over her shoulder. She sat in the throne room, at the grand round table in full view of anyone passing and she had a magic book open in front of her. 

She wanted to go back to the safety of her room, back to the familiar warmth of Gaius but Arthur wanted her to be seen, wanted his people to accept the new role magic would play in Camelot. So here she was. 

She had never felt so exposed. 

She knew Gaius was still worried, years of hiding didn't change overnight, he still seemed taken aback when someone asked him for his expertise in front of others, Arthur still turned away, pretending he couldn't hear when it happened and when Merlin spoke at meetings a pinched, haughty expression fell over the kings face. Apparently magic was something to be endured rather than celebrated and in some ways Merlin felt more confined and restricted then she had ever felt when she was hiding her magic. 

It wasn't perfect-far from it but Merlin was determined to look at the glass with optimism. She was home and she could practice magic and that would have to be enough. 

So the camaraderie and intense bond with Arthur was gone, the king no longer teased her or playfully punished her by throwing her into the stocks when she sniped back. She may as well have been another faceless nobleman. Important enough to keep around but not enough to have any personal relationship. 

The knights had been jittery, unsure whose side to take and picking up on Arthur's obvious reluctance to have her around. But in the end they had bonded in battle and so that had won out over any trepidation they may have had about a sorceress in their midst. 

In time Merlin told herself she would forget ever loving her king, it would be a distant memory- In her darkest, weakest moment she had looked for a spell to take the feelings she had for Arthur away but although she had found plenty of love spells there was nonr that would tell her how to get rid of unwanted romantic love. 

But it would fade, she was sure of it. It had to. 

She didn't miss the looks Gwen and Morgana shared, or how angry Arthur seemed when Merlin attempted to help Morgana with her magical abilities. 

Arthur was unhappy that his "sister" had magic but Morgana had made it clear that she cared little for his opinion. She had also made it clear how she felt about his treatment of Merlin that had made Merlin sure that she would be once again thrown into the dungeon but Arthur seemed unmoved. Merlin wasn't even worth his hatred apparently. 

That stung more than it should. Arthur was a passionate man he hated and loved with equal force, she had seen how Arthur would fight to the death for his beliefs and his friends. Merlin apparently didn't rate high enough for anything other than cool disdain. It helped with her attempt to try to move on. Whatever her heart wanted all she had to do was think of Arthur's face and the hot feeling inside her belly cooled. 

"Merlin! Get your head out of that book!" Gwaine's powerful voice boomed around the room completely dispelling Merlin's dark thoughts. A smile lighted her face been though she gently scolded the knight.

"Gwaine, I have to finish this reading..."

Gwaine simply leaned over her, grabbing the book and chucking it thoughtlessly over his shoulder. Merlin leapt to her feet when she heard it connect with the floor. 

"Gwaine!"

Gwaine held his hands up, "alright I apologise, see I am very contrite." To prove it he walked around the table to collect the book and set in in Merlin's arms. 

"You shouldn't mess with magic like that!"

Gwaine fell I to an extravagant bow, "lady sorceress I apologise please don't turn me into a frog,"

Merlin scowled, "magic is good its not cheap tricks its not to hurt people and I..."

Gwaine held up his hands, "it was a joke I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt Camelot."

Merlin hunched her shoulders, "tell them! I can hear the, talking, about how I enchanted the king, how I should be burned, I know even Arthur feels..."

"Stop!" 

Merlin's rant was cut off by grained sharp tone, "no one is going to hurt you and the people saying stuff like that are people who were in Uther's court. And as for Arthur that's the furthest thing from his mind." 

"And how do you know that? Are you Arthur's new best friend I thought that job fell to Lancelot." 

She tried not to feel jealous at the close bond Lancelot seemed to share with Arthur. Merlin couldn't turn a corner without seeing them together and even worse with Gwen. She remembered when it had been the three of them together. But she couldn't begrudge Lancelot, Arthur's favour, he had certainly earned it. 

But it still hurt. 

"I know a man in love, a man who it trying to come to terms with extraordinary events, but he is still a man in love." 

"We'll its too late," Merlin said stubbornly but then she caught something in Gwaine's eyes and she desperately wanted to ask how he could possibly know so much about love when she had never seen the handsome knight with the same young man or woman twice. 

But some instinct told her not to.

"I think you have been reading Gwen's romance stories, she's told me she thought someone was reading them."

It worked, the tension was broken and Gwaine laughed heartily, 

"I'll never tell!" He winked, offering her his arm gallantly. Merlin laughed and took it. She didn't see the tall blonde at the doorway.


	5. Wedding bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur struggles through Gwen's marriage

Arthur attempts to force his facial muscles into a smile, the occasion is joyous and he is truly happy that Gwen has found true love. He couldn't have asked for a truer friend and defender of Camelot in Gwen and her inexhaustible spirit kept him going when he had thought Camelot lost. 

And Lancelot, the epitome of the chivalrous knight, an image that Arthur felt he could never reach, he just couldn't be as good as Lancelot in a thousand years, he who had looked upon Merlin with love and friendship who had accepted her so easily while Arthur struggled uselessly with his anger and fear. 

Because out of everyone he had never thought to fear Merlin. 

He glanced right, Merlin stood, towering over Gwen, awkward in her gown but smiling so wide he wondered how she could stand the tension in her facial muscles. She looked beautiful in a way the many princess who had come to his kingdom never had, not even the way Gwen did in her wedding gown. She was uniquely Merlin, all sharp edges and childlike, elfin features. Her blue eyes radiated happiness in a way they hadn't since she had revealed herself. The expression was a ghost of the one she had worn when he had told her he loved her, full of shy hope, bubbling up inside of her. She had looked so happy in that moment and then that dreadful shadow had fallen over her features just as he had leaned in to kiss her for he first time, and her crystal eyes had been full of quenched hope as she had confessed, voice full of emotion that had been banked behind stone walls so long.

He had wrenched himself away, ignoring he intake of breath Merlin took as she had massaged her fingers, he realised he had hurt her as he had pulled himself away but she didn't say a word of her discomfort. 

Arthur forced his mind away from the memory, uncomfortable, he had made a decision and had been more than fair despite what others may think. 

Anything else beyond mercy was beyond him; it had to be. 

X

The reception was loud, full of happy laughing and drinking and for a while Arthur was able to put any thoughts of Merlin out of his mind but as he cast his eyes over the crowd he found Merlin, at that very moment tripping over the skirt of her dress before falling into Gwaines arms as the knight broke her fall, the pair dissolving into laughter. Merlin hitched up her skirt a little higher, revealing skinny, white calves and Arthur found himself unable to look away. 

Skinny, uncoordinated Merlin who could barely walk into a room without incident and Arthur found himself entranced as he had when he had finally admitted how he felt about Merlin- to Lancelot of all people. 

He couldn't not love her, not yet at least, these things took time he assured himself; time would put to rest this hot embrassingly warm feeling he had whenever he saw her. He had talked himself out of loving her before it would be easy to do so again and now he had even more incentive. His hatred would keep the distance. Gwen's words came back to haunt him. 

"Is it your hatred Arthur or is it Uther's?" 

He searched within himself but the wounds were still raw and he subconsciously flinched away from pressing them too deeply. No, he had decided, he had done what was best for Camelot by ensuring their safety even if that safety came from magic and for Merlin who would be free to be herself. 

So everyone was happy. 

He glanced over at Merlin, still laughing as Gwaine led her through a clumsy and less than traditional waltz. 

He forced himself to relax, colour suffusing his cheeks, with annoyance, the pair were making a scene at a proud and dignified affair-- but he couldn't hold onto his reasoning, everyone was messing around, it just...Arthur struggled to find a different word than to one boiling in his stomach. He wasn't jealous, he was....no word came to him and with an effort he turned away and back to the lonely comfort to his drink.


End file.
